86 ME PLEASE: HOW TO GET KICKED OUT OF A RESTAURANT LIKE SARAH SANDERS
Have you been kicked out of a bar or restaurant recently? Well, if you haven’t, you aren’t trying hard enough.
The decadent and self-conscious consumption of food is bougie America’s favorite thing to do, so it’s no surprise that famous people have started getting kicked out of restaurants:
- Sarah Huckabee Sanders got kicked out of a D.C. area restaurant for, you know, being an apologist and propagandist for a catastrophic president. (Extreme? Maybe! Justified? Maybe!)
- Jose Andres got kicked out of another D.C. area restaurant for “making Ivanka Trump uncomfortable.”
- Randy Freeman, a middle aged black man, was kicked out of a Cracker Barrel in West Virginia for being black.
- Two black men, Rashon Nelson and Donte Robinson, were kicked out of a Starbucks, also for being black.
- Katy Perry went to Taco Bell after she couldn’t get a 10 top seated at the last minute on a Saturday night in Glasgow, a major city in Scotland, and made hay of it on social media. How outrageous! How unusual! But, of course, you should be able to bring 10 people in to a restaurant last minute without a reservation and expect to be seated immediately. Not.
So, since getting kicked out of or not served by a restaurant is all the rage, here’s how you can get in on the trend!
How to get 86ed from a restaurant
- Curse at employees: Super effective, especially if you do it repeatedly, over the course of a few minutes.
- Curse at customers: Same thing!
- Take off your clothing: Not, like, your sweater or jacket — this has to be shirt, shoes, pants, etc.
- Strike an employee: Super effective. Works immediately.
- Strike a customer: Effectiveness depends on whether or not the other guy was asking for it.
- Harass a woman employee: Results will vary, because women in the restaurant industry are harassed nearly every day. So really escalate this one if you want to make it work — go straight from talking to grabbing! *Does not apply if you supervise the woman employee in question, because workplace harassment is still something we tolerate on a mass scale as a society!
- Break something: Depends on degree. If you break a glass, you’re just a lovable klutz like the rest of us. If you break a table, that could be the same thing. Breaking a chair when you sit in it is super embarrassing. But if you break a chair over the back of another patron, well, you might be in luck!
- Draw a firearm: Effectiveness depends on the state.
- Be black or brown: This works in at least one Starbucks and Cracker Barrel, and probably more! Isn’t racism fun?
Originally published at how’s your morale?.